For me, the answer is YES. Does my life suck? NO. Please allow me to expand on these answers. I liked getting drunk, smoking pot, doing narcotics and taking a hand full of pills. I liked getting high. Knowing that I will never catch a buzz again sucks. Knowing that I will never drink again sucks.
At 2 years sober, I can honestly say that many areas of my life are far better and I don’t ever want to go back to drinking. I respect myself and my body more. I respect my mind and my willpower more. I have closer friendships. I don’t have unnecessary debt and unnecessary drama in my life.
The areas of my life that still suck are things like: frustration at self-imposed limitations, loneliness, boredom or depression. These thoughts and feelings are often a result of thinking that drinking would make me popular, have no limitations and take away the boredom and loneliness. I see others drink socially and they appear to have what I desire. My thoughts like to tempt me into drinking again. But I know that drinking will not fix my problems, cure my depression or relieve self-pity. It would just make things worse.
Not ever being able to get high, buzzed or drunk again sucks, however, the rest of my life doesn’t suck. This is a very strange position to be in.
I’m touching on this subject because I have been asked this question by quite a few people. I have been pleasantly surprised by the quality of people I have met through this blog. I have discovered that there are a lot of brilliant, intelligent and wise drunks in the world. They are smart, caring people who just drink too much for their own good. These people have confirmed my belief that: All drunks are not jerks. Some are actually pretty damn smart.
Give me a miserable day sober over the life I left behind any day of the week…
Unfortunately, when many former drinkers go through the grieving process over the loss of their old friend, the bottle, some never get past the anger stage. It is a very real loss. The drink has been their friend for many years and one they could count on. When the whole world turned against them, the bottle never let them down. It was always there ready for the good times, the celebrations, the parties, as well as the sad, mad, and lonely times, too.
Finally their old friend let them down – they got in trouble with the cops, lost a job or career, almost lost their family, or the doctors told them they had to stop drinking – whatever the reason, the circumstances of their life brought them to the point where they made a decision to say “so long” to the bottle.
The Stages of Grieving
Whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — the same stages most people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness…
First comes the denial — it’s really not that big a deal, I’ve always said I could quit anytime — and then the anger and depression when they realize just how much that had come to depend on their old friend alcohol.
Many make it through the process to the final stage — accepting the loss, learning and growing through the experience, and moving on.
Abstinent, But Miserable
Some never make it. It’s sad to see them, sometimes many years later, still stuck in their anger, bitterness, and resentment at having to make the change in their lives.
You even see them in the 12-step rooms – been in the program for years and years and their lives seem to be a constant unmanageable struggle. All those years and they have no more of a spiritual awakening than they did the first time they walked into the room.
What Is a Dry Drunk?
“Dry Drunk” has been described as “A condition of returning to one’s old alcoholic thinking and behavior without actually having taken a drink.” Or as one wise old drunk put it, if a horse thief goes into A.A. what you can end up with is a sober horse thief. Or a personal favorite: you can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you’ve still got a fruit cake!
Those who quit drinking but are still angry about it, wind up living miserable lives and usually make everyone else around them miserable too. If it has been said once in an Al-Anon meeting, it has been whispered thousands of times, “I almost wish he would go back to drinking.”
Okay, I Don’t Like It, Now What?
The simple answer to that question is to find something that you do like, but that is not always as easy as it sounds.
There is a theory that in order to fully recover from the effects of alcoholism, the alcoholic must replace the obsessive behaviors in his life with their spiritual opposites. Frankly, there are those who believe that without such spiritual help from a power greater than themselves, true recovery is impossible.
The A.A. program has championed this theory for many years to millions of “hopeless drunks” who are now living happy and sober lives. It’s hard to argue with that record of success.But beyond the spiritual side of recovery, there are other steps that can be taken to help make life fun again, without alcohol:
Develop a hobby. Take up gardening, start or expand a collection, build something, go fishing, or learn how to develop your own web pages! Try to find some activity to fill those leisure hours that you used to spend drinking.
Get healthy. All those years of drinking probably took some toll on your physical health. Join the YMCA, take up an exercise program or jogging, or play a sport. Get on some kind of regular (daily) improvement routine.
Improve your mind. It’s never too late to learn new things. Get a library card, take a continuing education class, improve your job skills, or go on Facebook.
Spend time with your family. Maybe you can’t replace all those times that you neglected your wife and children while you were in the bars, but you can make a new start. Take your wife out to her favorite place, take the kids or grandchildren to the park, or start a project in which the entire family can participate.
Life doesn’t have to be a miserable experience just because you quit drinking. There’s a whole world out there for you to explore and learn about.