Doctor, my eyes! Tell me what you see… I hear their cries… just say if it’s too late for me? Jackson Browne
I didn’t sleep last night and probably won’t tonight …
Tomorrow a new chapter in my life begins and I am consumed with self-doubt. I have the answers to everyone’s problems but suck at taking my own advice. Realizing this doesn’t lessen the anxiety and make me more determined to succeed. I feel like that guy I left in Florida …. nebulous and naked (emotionally)!
I begin counseling at a substance abuse center that is not on Skid Row… these are people that haven’t reached the depths of depravity some have… their “rock bottom” still has a six figure income attached to it! These are people like me that have enjoyed the privileges money can provide… such as cocaine and rehab.
What if I fail at this… what if I provide a view point so obscure that I damage them for life? What if they look right through me and realize I do not have any answers or that I can’t fix them… that I will never be able to provide them with individualized solutions to their “life problems”?
What if they stand up and walk out on me?
What if it all happens just as I fear?
Maybe I don’t need to have any answers… I can’t fix them. I can’t create a google “life map” that will get them from tomorrow to the grave without bumps or bruises. I can’t make anything go away that they’ve done! I can’t do shit!
The only thing I know with certainty is that I’ve got to suit up and show up and know when to shut up!
I can listen and I can share what my life was like… what happened and what it’s like now.