So, you can’t get sober… Maybe eTherapy and a sober coach might make it easier.

Have you ever thought, “I will never be able to live like a normal person?” … I certainly have and I hated the fact I could not control my use for drugs and alcohol. I hated the traditional methods used in trying to get clean and sober even more! The process is always the same… go to rehab…. detox…. go to meetings… relapse… start all over again. The reality is that there’s a 97% failure rate for anyone trying to fix the problem alone… and not much better success rates once a 30-day rehab is completed.

Why does it happen? Why can some people get it while others fall flat on their faces for another go around of relapse? Maybe the answer is the methods used to get sober don’t work for everyone… maybe it’s time to consider online therapy and life coaching to help you get your life back?

The following is an outline of what eTherapy and Life Coaching offers:

Online Therapy

Online therapy, often referred to as “eTherapy” is a new version of counseling and therapy services that are offered over the internet, through email and even on chat. Potential clients will speak directly to psychology experts in order to seek treatment for varying emotional problems and mental health issues as well as general concerns. Since online therapy can be done confidentially, a person does not have to worry about sharing personal information or identifying information that can harm their life or career.

Conditions Qualified for Online Therapy

Online therapy is not restricted to one area of psychology. In fact, online therapy works similar to an office therapy session – only this time it is done when it is convenient for you. Online therapy covers an array of issues that plague most of us sometimes in life…. these therapies include, but not limited to:

  • Addiction

  • Anger

  • Depression

  • Anxiety

  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

  • Relationship Issues

  • Stress

  • Panic Attacks

The Benefits of Online Therapy

Online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy and it is even more beneficial for patients who:

  • Cannot drive to a therapist’s office

  • Have anxiety or embarrassment about seeking therapy

  • Cannot take time off to visit a therapist

  • Travel a lot

  • Live in a different country

  • Cannot get to a therapist’s office due to a mental or physical reason

  • Are too depressed and under-motivated to leave their home

  • Have small children who they cannot find care for

Common Limitations

Though there are numerous benefits to online therapy, there are a few limitations that are important to note. An online therapist will want to provide you with accurate, reliable online therapy, but you have to be able to operate a computer in order to receive it. Online therapy requires frequent access to a computer, the ability to type and an internet connection. Though an eTherapist keeps your information confidential and secure, using a public computer to use online therapy can severely lower your personal security.

Most importantly, if you are suffering from severe depression or you have thoughts of harming yourself or others please visit the closest emergency room facility to seek emergency treatment.

Life Coaching

Sobriety doesn’t end with rehab. For a person to stay sober, they are signing up for a life of challenges and heavy goals ahead of them. Often when individuals exit therapy or treatment they are left on their own and left to overcome the challenge of sobriety single-handedly. A sober coach can eliminate the need to go at sobriety alone by providing a recovering individual with the steps needed in order to remain sober for the rest of their lives. Throughout each step a sober coach will help an individual overcome those challenges and even get back on track with their lives for a full, healthy recovery.

Why Life Coaching?

When a person gets sober, they are receiving a new chance and a new life. Things will seem newer and life will almost feel as though it just began. Right after getting sober a person has a lot of decisions about what to do with their new life. Though this is exciting, it is also chaotic and can cause anxiety, which may lead to substance abuse yet again. Without the right support pillars in place, a person can fall quickly back into substance abuse. Therefore, having someone who can assist them and even structure their day-to-day lives is important for recovery.

Building up Life Skills

The biggest job for a sobriety coach is helping a person pick up new life skills that they never knew they had. By helping an individual revisit themselves and strengthen themselves from within, they are less likely to return to substance abuse in the future. In fact, most individuals will come out of sobriety coaching feeling empowered, have a higher self-esteem and even motivation to go out and do something with their new life.

Multiple Stage Coaching

Sobriety coaching does not just happen immediately following rehabilitation. Instead, it follows a person throughout the different stages of sobriety to help the individual stay sober. These stages can include:

  • Getting a job

  • Attending meetings

  • Leaving residential treatment care facilities

  • Moving into a new home

  • Recovering from relapse

How Often Should a Person Receive Sobriety Coaching?

Initially, experts recommend seeing a sobriety coach at least three times per week for at least one hour per session. This will allow the individual and the coach to get to know one another and establish a solid ground for goals, weaknesses and sobriety risks. As time goes on a coach will dictate how often a person needs to be seen and coaches are always available for emergency service if need be.

A life sobriety coach can help you on your road to sobriety. Most coaches have faced the challenges of sobriety themselves which makes them the perfect companion for overcoming the hurdles associated with sobriety. By having the support of the right individual, your future of sobriety will be long and rewarding.

If you’ve tried traditional methods and nothing seems to work… why not try eTherapy and life coaching? There is no single path to sobriety … what’s important is that you find a method that works for you. You don’t have to struggle with help as close as your computer…

This is my journey…. This is my life.

Rob Cantrell

Hotels and one night stands are my speed… give me a place I can leave!

“You don’t look like my type, but I guess you’ll do” … Third rate romance, low rent rendezvous…

porn8“Everyone looks good at closing time!” I’m not sure about that… I think the better quote is “last night’s “10” is this morning’s “3””. I’ve never been able to make a relationship last “forever”… considering some of my choices, the Ebola virus would be better than “forever”. I won’t get started on that… the last time I did I was sued and made to pick up dog poop at a homeless dog shelter.

This being said I have to ask myself why am I drawn to hookups and one night stands (yes, someone actually spends the night!) over a committed relationship… so, I went looking for answers. Unfortunately, all I got was similar opinions…  Alexia LaFata is a writer from Boston and she and I should probably meet ‘cause we certainly think alike…

So, what’s the difference in a hookup and a date?

The best analogy I can think of is the difference between an enlisted member of the Navy and a Navy SEAL. As men, we have two very distinct sets of standards. Generally speaking, the “hookup” standard is anywhere from a tick to a massive chasm lower than the “dating” standard. Want my body tonight? If you’re reasonably attractive, not a total bore/annoyance, and interested, you can make it happen. It’s no commitment, so there’s no need to delve too deeply into it. Many, many girls can pass the “hookup” standard.

porn12However, dating means commitment. Dating carries a tremendous opportunity cost for the sexually active single male. You are throwing away an unknown amount of pussy, of unknown quality. It’s like telling a game show contestant not to take the mystery box. Experience tells you that the prize inside is going to disappoint, but it’ll all be worth it that one time when the box has tickets to Hawaii in it. Similarly, your experience tells you that most drunken random sexual partners will range from “mediocre” to “above average,” but the fantasy of going home with the double-jointed gymnast overpowers that.

So if a man can find sexual satisfaction while single, the cost-benefit analysis of a relationship is pretty uneven. In order for the perceived benefits to outweigh the perceived costs, the girl in question needs to be an absolute no-brainer. Meeting the bare-minimum hookup standard isn’t good enough. You’ve got to be a total package. Physical attractiveness, intelligence, sense of humor, core values, etc. Sexual compatibility is huge, too.

Just because you meet the hookup standard doesn’t necessarily mean you meet the dating standard. It’s unfortunate, but true.

porn13The problem is, most women don’t operate this way. The gap between “hookup-worthy” and “couple-worthy” is usually a lot smaller. From my experience, if a girl is willing to sleep with you then she’s at least curious about a possible relationship. If things are going well and you’re seeing each other regularly (even if it is only for sex), she takes this as a sign that you want to see her, and things are progressing. Even though there is a better-than-average chance that it’s just a sign you want to act like naked Velcro for a few minutes.

No one is ever on the same page if “hookups” become a regular part of life…

Why make life harder?

Casual hookups are so draining on your emotional resources. They’re supposed to have no boundaries (because they’re “casual”), but then weird unspoken boundaries pop up that you’re just supposed to know. A whole new social code emerges once you’ve hooked up. And if you don’t know the code, you look stupid.

Let’s say you hooked up with a guy you weren’t particularly into, yet he was very into you. If you see him at a party and he tries to talk or initiate another hookup, what do you do?

Obviously, you can reject his advances, but if you’re a half-decent person, you’ll probably feel bad turning someone down who has feelings for you, even if, to you, the hookup didn’t mean anything.

porn7This could go the other way, too. If, at that same party, you see a guy whom you hooked up with who ended up not being into you, you have to ignore him and act like you’re fine — all to avoid seeming too crazy, too emotional, or any of the other ridiculous stereotypes that plague women.

“Communication, just normal talking, is considered clingy and too intimate, so nothing important is ever discussed,” a friend of mine recently lamented about the aftermath of casual hookups. “You just spend every second over analyzing because no one will ever be able to validate your thoughts.”

It’s true. Was the hookup a one-time thing, or will you hook up again next weekend? What happens if one of you develops feelings for the other? We’re only human, so it’s normal for feelings and the curiosity of “something more” to arise out of sexual activity.

Can nothing happen at all because this is supposed to be “casual”? Who defines whether or not this was casual anyway?

You better not text him to ask about any of this, either, because you can’t communicate outside of a weekend night. If you do, you’re clingy; you’re crazy; you’re breaking the code.

I don’t have the energy to think about any of this. Casual hookups offer no closure in any sense of the word, and nobody ever knows how to behave. Well, just because sex was involved doesn’t mean we have to stop treating each other like regular people.

The act of hooking up itself is so intimate that I’m surprised how frequently we do it with people we don’t fully trust. porn20

We grant people access to ourselves, literally, and we give them free rein to roam our most private, personal parts. Fluids are exchanged. Orifices are filled. In the heat of the moment, secrets are disclosed and real intimacy is cultivated.

I’m not saying that having random sex is wrong, but I am saying that engaging in casual hookups means you must accept the extraneous shit that comes with being at your most vulnerable, for a fleeting evening, with another person who may end up sucking.

I mean, even though you’ve talked and laughed and sweated in sheets together, you don’t really know this person, so how would you know what he or she is actually like? You wouldn’t.

Despite all of this, though, everybody knows somebody who would rather have tons of casual sex than get into a relationship of any kind, ever.

It’s like wanting a relationship or any semblance of exclusivity automatically makes you some kind of uptight Stepford. Relationships are exhausting. Relationships are limiting. Relationships are too much work. Blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, I’d rather have a relationship over a series of awkward, fumbly, how-do-we-proceed-now casual hookups. Relationships are not these exhausting second-day jobs that everyone makes them out to be.

With relationships, you don’t have to worry about any of the stupidity that you worry about with casual hookups.

There’s no worrying about whether or not your feelings are returned, no worrying about whether or not you can communicate your thoughts. Feelings are returned, and you can communicate anything.

Also, the sex is better, 100 percent of the time. That’s the beauty of trust, comfort and openness.

porn4Playing games might seem fun in the moment, but they’ll only leave you feeling sad later. I’d rather be sure that when I text something flirty to the guy I like, he won’t ignore me and leave me feeling oddly embarrassed. I’d rather know that he’ll respond positively, and maybe invite me over to watch a movie and eat pizza.

I’d rather not pretend to take a really long time figuring out what kind of sandwich I want in the dining hall to avoid making eye contact.

I just want to order my sandwich, pay for it and move on with my day without faking my way through a conversation that really just involves me wondering if you like me or if I even like you or if we’re going to hookup again this weekend or if you remember that oddly shaped tattoo on my butt… and if you do, can you please forget about it?

Is this so much to ask?

This is my journey…. This is my life.

Rob Cantrell

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