I’m at this strange crossroad in my life. I’m not young … but I’m not old and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m overly educated … (2 Master Degrees and working on a PhD) but I have no common sense. I say the wrong things to the wrong people… post every morsel of food I’m near on Facebook as if no one on earth has ever seen a salad and unsweetened iced tea… and above all I let things of no importance become paramount in my mind.
I hate not being 30 with a body worth lusting after …. (not by me … by others!). I hate the physical condition I’ve allowed myself to become.. but I do nothing to change it.
I hate the idea of death … of not being loved… of not being accepted … of not being good enough! I hate accepting things I can not change!
Acceptance is where I become confused. “Hell no, I will NOT accept that. It is wrong! I won’t tolerate that, how can I accept something like that?” I know all the other phrases of non-acceptance. Acceptance, in this context, just means acknowledging the undesirable person, place, thing, or condition exists. It does not mean I have to LIKE something. It doesn’t mean I have to open the doors of my life and let it move in. It doesn’t mean I must own it for all time. It also doesn’t mean I must put up with it forever.
Yes, the blonde upstairs is a sleaze bag! As long as I fight it inside myself, as long as I keep rehearsing her slutty ways in my head, as long as I plot sweet revenge when I think the blonde neighbor isn’t looking, as long as I refuse to just accept that she has the right to live as she wishes, I will not have peace of mind. Until I get to the point of accepting the fact of its existence, undesirable things will destroy me. And, surprisingly, when I can actually accept that this undesirable thing (or person, place, or condition) exists, I am suddenly empowered to go to the next step, doing something about it.
There are things I cannot change. People, places, and (often) conditions and situations, to name a few for now. People will always continue to do whatever they do and I have no power or right to stop it, most of the time. I can’t change anyone as a person, I can’t change the bad timing of the traffic lights on my way to work, I can’t change the way certain co-workers manage to squeeze an extra five minutes longer on their lunch hour than they should. Computers will have glitches. Rain will continue to ruin people’s plans. I cannot change it. All that I can do is accept the fact that that’s the way it is. It may not always be this way, but for this moment, that is exactly the way it is.
But it isn’t about me, it’s not for or even against me, it just “is.” That’s the way it is. Realizing and accepting that there really are things in your life that you cannot change really does bring a great relief and serenity. I believe when I have reached a point of serenity about those things that trouble me… I will be ready for the next step… finding the courage to change the things I can.
This is my journey … this is my life!
Rob Cantrell
Rob Cantrell 